Is it true that everyone has had their heart broken at least once before? Do we all have that one person that destroyed us for a time, betrayed our trust and our love? Perhaps there are two types of people: the heart breakers and the broken hearted. But I think that it would be unfair to brand someone so singularly. I guess we could have been both.
I write this now as I ponder the topic of broken hearts as I am surrounded by them and think back to a time when I too had been left destroyed, shattered into fragments of my former self with no sense of identity, worth or place. Before I was old enough to even think about love and relationships, I looked to my parents who divorced when I was 4. I guess I never really had the role models to show me what love was and to teach me how to commit to another person. Perhaps for that reason, I had my guard up from day one, with everybody I met. Friends, family, colleagues, boyfriends. I didn't trust anybody to stick around. I know this was unfair of me. Despite the divorce, both parents have always been devoted to my siblings and I and not a day passes that I doubt their love for us, but in the back of mind, I always had this niggling voice telling me that commitment doesn't always last and that one day, everything could change. Before my current boyfriend, I only ever surrendered myself once to another person, full-heartedly and entirely, which as luck would have it, is the beginning of the story of how I got my heart broken. From then on, I never wanted to let anyone have the power to destroy me like that again. I would never allow anyone in far enough to do that. I guess in some obscured way I blamed myself for a lapse in judgement when perhaps the reasoning was far more to do with the individual than it was to do with me. I know how it feels to choke on your own tears, desperate to suppress the sobs in fear of betraying the silence. I know what it's like to paint your face with happiness, to lie to everyone you know and pretend that you're okay. I know the feeling of inadequacy and hurt like the badges of honour on a scout and I know the deep misery of feeling as though love is a myth and that I am unworthy of such a thing. Having now finally come out at the other side, I look back on these feelings and wince with a raw pain that feels as fresh as though it was yesterday, and so I sympathise with those around me that are currently going through such turmoil. There is a ray of sunshine to the story. Since being with Michael, I have been to places I have always wanted to go, laughed until my sides hurt and generally felt a sense of belonging. So perhaps all of us have been heartbroken. Maybe some of us have even been the heart breakers. But in the end, I guess the real thing is waiting for us. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or even a year from now. But it exists, this sense of belonging. And I promise you, it's worth the heartache.
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Are we even human without our insecurities, our hang-ups and our desires to be or do better? With the augmentation of social media and the permanent prominence of perfect celebrities, it can be almost impossible to resist the urge to compare yourself to those that seem superior to you in one way or another. In reality, the girl with no cellulite is airbrushed. The boy with the six pack sacrifices time with his family for his devotion to the gym. The person achieving their dream job spent countless sleepless nights working towards their goal. What we see on social media is only ever a reflection of someone at their best. It's rarely in those moments of self-doubt and anxiety that we portray ourselves, but it is the moments of self-achievement that we wish to share. Like anything else, social media has its pros and cons. The likes of Facebook, Instagram and Twitter allow us to connect with just about anybody. According to zephoria.com, there are over 2 billion of us (out of a worldwide total population of approximately 7.5 billion) on Facebook alone with 1.15 billion of us being daily addicts. 50% of users aged 18-24 flick through Facebook as soon as they wake up, seemingly replacing the ritual of reading the morning paper in young people. There are allegedly an average of 5 new profiles created every second and an estimated 300 million photo uploads per day. What can we take from all these numbers? Social media is at the heart of society and as such, has the power to influence. This power is great news for businesses looking to promote their products or services, excellent for maintaining communication with people you may otherwise have difficulty connecting with and the number one way to meet new people in modern day society. However, is there an element of social media that can have a negative impact on society? We seem to correlate the amount of likes we receive on a post with happiness, but a million likes mean nothing if you don't like yourself. Social media has become responsible for our self-confidence and self-worth. 30-Day Social Media Detoxes have become a bit of a trend with so many recording their findings. For example, https://jasondoesstuff.com/social-media-detox-recap/ states in his conclusion that: "We all care what people think of us. We all want to feel accepted. We all want to feel liked. Social media multiplies those thoughts and feelings without us even realizing it. It’s not healthy to always be under the knife of criticism. In a digital world we need a break from having our lives judged and commented on (often times by complete strangers who we don’t align with)." He also reported to having increased levels of productivity, a prolonged attention span and a clarity of thought after living without social media for 30 days. After the detox, he reported that he would not cut social media out of his life completely, although he would be limiting and controlling his usage in the future.
Now I'm not saying that we should all boycott social media entirely. The benefits of the likes of Facebook are undisputable, but the time we devote to scrolling down our news feeds can have a massive impact on how we think. I'd also like to add that it's okay to be yourself and portray that on your social media platforms. We don't all have to be perfectly airbrushed diplomats that please every single person with our posts and pictures. Being yourself is what makes us unique as opposed to forming an army of clone-like social media robots that in the end, start to resemble one another on so many different levels. I know I myself am guilty of being wary of the things that I post and carefully selecting the photos I wish to share. It's human nature to want to portray the best versions of ourselves. But in a way, I like to use this blog as a way of portraying the real me, behind all the social media posts designed to keep people happy. I would like to dedicate this post to being unashamedly me, and to being unashamedly you. |
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Part-time student/bar-associate |