I often used to wonder, what makes a relationship work? Is there the perfect formula for success? Are there certain rules to follow? Most psychologists will probably say that it's a combination of trust, communication and commitment, and I don't disagree. I think all three of those factors are important to maintaining a good relationship with anybody, friend or partner.
But then it occurred to me that perhaps there was something else. I had been in relationships where trust, communication and commitment had coexisted and played an important role in our functioning, but the partnership had inevitably failed despite this. So I started to wonder where we go wrong. Why do couples argue? How can we prevent ourselves from the inevitable end? And I came to one simple answer: acceptance. So why do we argue with our loved ones? Of course, exterior factors such as stress at work, tiredness and even hormones can cause arguments from nothing. But aside from those factors we have little control over, people fall out because they become annoyed by another person. Sounds simple, right? But what if there was a way to control that annoyance? I think understanding your partner plays a massive role in controlling your arguments. Understanding why someone may have said or done the act that has caused the argument could be the key to everything. As the causer of the argument or the recipient of the annoyance, you have one of two choices: you can either accept what has happened or been said and move on, or you can end things all together if you feel as though it has challenged your personal boundaries. Sometimes the decision may not be a quick reaction and you may need to take a moment to decide whether or not you can surpass the cause of the argument; whether or not you can accept it. You can't change a person, and I always thought if I could, then I wouldn't want to. Someone is clearly not meant to be in your life if you have a list as long as your arm of the things that you would change about them. Of course, no one is perfect and there will always be things that challenge your desire to retain them just as they are. But as I said, you can't change a person, and wouldn't want to, so what are you left with? Accepting them. Are there things that you can't compromise on? Does that person have those characteristics that you can't? Then they're not right for you. If you can't learn to accept someone as they are, then you are with the wrong person. But if you can accept someone unconditionally, for all of their flaws, and vice versa, then you may well just have someone worth taking a risk on. #theoryofacceptance #relationships
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We're all aware of the recent phenomena of Tinder, Grindr, Match.com and other means of dating via social media. In fact, it's become so popular that in 50 years' time, we'll be able to tell the grandkids that 'it all started with a friend request'. You know the scenario: it's instigated by a poke, which leads on to an inbox and pretty soon, you're Skyping. But does this robotic means of dating have an impact on the romantic aspect of courtship in modern society?
Whatever happened to the old-school, idealistic image of a stern looking father sitting on his porch, cradling a shotgun in his lap as he claims that no man will ever be good enough? The trial-and-error style of dating seems to have been replaced with a CV-style list of interests and hobbies. I can't help but feel that this selective method of choosing someone to date almost takes away the fun of the unknown, unless you're into that Christian-Grey-Style of almost employing your lover. But I suppose it is much easier to lie about yourself behind a screen in order to seem more appealing. In fact, according to info.gram, a whopping 81% of online daters lie about their age, height or figure. However, despite all of these carefully selected choices, it seems so common that the intentions of your prospective partner is merely sexual. According to the Daily Mail, that's exactly what a lot of these internet daters are looking for: a bit of casual sex. Some even record such encounters on social media platforms. It seems the iconic notches on the bed posts have been replaced with spreadsheets and charts of sexual relations. Despite all of these claims, I can't help but feel that internet dating is somewhat beneficial to the shy, the busy or the lonely. According to a recent survey carried out by the University of Rochester, the amount of couples who found love over the internet increased from 0.2% in 1978 to 23.2% between 2007 and 2009. According to info.gram, 1 in 5 of us now meet our partners online and a shocking 9.1 million Britons are signed up to some form of online dating, disregarding the 100 million times the Tinder app has been downloaded. According to expandedramblings.com, there are 26 million matches made per day on Tinder, amounting from a staggering 1.4 billion daily swipes. With the average tinder user spending an estimated 35 minutes per day scouring the app for fresh meat, it's no wonder the match statistics are so high. In addition to the augmentation of internet dating, a new technology is on the rise, which is set to take over the sex lives of so many. Sex robot brothels are allegedly set to open in the UK, reducing the demand for actual physical contact with another human being. In addition to this, you can now buy remote-controlled sex toys which are perfect for long distance relationships, but again decrease the demand for the real deal. An openness towards sex has been liberating and the rise of internet dating and a selection of toys have been beneficial to couples worldwide, but at what point do we say enough is enough? When does the robotic relationship replace the real thing? Are emotions and romance really on the brink of extinction? |
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Part-time student/bar-associate |