I often used to wonder, what makes a relationship work? Is there the perfect formula for success? Are there certain rules to follow? Most psychologists will probably say that it's a combination of trust, communication and commitment, and I don't disagree. I think all three of those factors are important to maintaining a good relationship with anybody, friend or partner.
But then it occurred to me that perhaps there was something else. I had been in relationships where trust, communication and commitment had coexisted and played an important role in our functioning, but the partnership had inevitably failed despite this. So I started to wonder where we go wrong. Why do couples argue? How can we prevent ourselves from the inevitable end? And I came to one simple answer: acceptance. So why do we argue with our loved ones? Of course, exterior factors such as stress at work, tiredness and even hormones can cause arguments from nothing. But aside from those factors we have little control over, people fall out because they become annoyed by another person. Sounds simple, right? But what if there was a way to control that annoyance? I think understanding your partner plays a massive role in controlling your arguments. Understanding why someone may have said or done the act that has caused the argument could be the key to everything. As the causer of the argument or the recipient of the annoyance, you have one of two choices: you can either accept what has happened or been said and move on, or you can end things all together if you feel as though it has challenged your personal boundaries. Sometimes the decision may not be a quick reaction and you may need to take a moment to decide whether or not you can surpass the cause of the argument; whether or not you can accept it. You can't change a person, and I always thought if I could, then I wouldn't want to. Someone is clearly not meant to be in your life if you have a list as long as your arm of the things that you would change about them. Of course, no one is perfect and there will always be things that challenge your desire to retain them just as they are. But as I said, you can't change a person, and wouldn't want to, so what are you left with? Accepting them. Are there things that you can't compromise on? Does that person have those characteristics that you can't? Then they're not right for you. If you can't learn to accept someone as they are, then you are with the wrong person. But if you can accept someone unconditionally, for all of their flaws, and vice versa, then you may well just have someone worth taking a risk on. #theoryofacceptance #relationships
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